Years of my Youth.

A walk with God (:

Will You Be There

Hold me
Like the River Jordan

And I will then say to thee
You are my friend

Carry me
Like you are my brother
Love me like a mother
Will you be there?

When weary
Tell me will you hold me
When wrong, will you scold me
When lost will you find me?

But they told me
A man should be faithful
And walk when not able
And fight till the end
But I’m only human

Everyone’s taking control of me
Seems that the world’s got a role for me
I’m so confused will you show to me
You’ll be there for me
And care enough to bear me

(Hold me)
(Lay your head lowly)
(Softly then boldly)
(Carry me there)

(Hold me)
(Love me and feed me)
(Kiss me and free me)
(I will feel blessed)

(Carry)
(Carry me boldly)
(Lift me up slowly)
(Carry me there)

(Save me)
(Heal me and bathe me)
(Softly you say to me)
(I will be there)

(Lift me)
(Lift me up slowly)
(Carry me boldly)
(Show me you care)

(Hold me)
(Lay your head lowly)
(Softly then boldly)
(Carry me there)

(Need me)
(Love me and feed me)
(Kiss me and free me)
(I will feel blessed)

In our darkest hour
In my deepest despair
Will you still care?
Will you be there?
In my trials and my tribulations
Through our doubts and frustrations
In my violence
In my turbulence
Through my fear and my confessions
In my anguish and my pain
Through my joy and my sorrow
In the promise of another tomorrow
I’ll never let you part
For you’re always in my heart

Oh yes.
I will still care.
i will be there for you!

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Casparian strip

Seriously, if you keep letting your emotions sway you, you’ll never rise to see the light of the day. After seeing you getting your heart lacerated over and over again, i earnestly suggest that you block out what is affecting your studies with the iron resolve you once exerted on yourself. The mid-years is a challenge, because you study with a broken heart and wounded mind. However, if you don’t do well, ultimately you’re the one who is held responsible because you have failed to govern your emotions.

BE STRONG, Zhuo’er!
You can do it.
You MUST do it!

The pleasure of learning

“A marvellous stillness pervaded the world, and the stars, together with the serenity of their rays, seemed to shed upon the earth the assurance of everlasting security. The young moon, recurved, and shining low in the west, was like slender shaving thrown up from a bar of gold, and the Arabian Sea, smooth and cool to the eye like a sheet of ice, extended its perfect level to the perfect circle of a dark horizon.”

Wow, what an arresting extract! A panoramic canvas dense with distinct images is spread out before my startling eyes as the richly atmospheric sense evolves. The lyrical description is profound in its poetic richness, providing a powerful evocation of the wonders of the night.

As i read it aloud and mouth the words in their silky delicacy, i discovered in amazement that an ethereal fragrance permeated the surrounding air, and transported me to the very shoreline of the unperturbed Arabian Sea.

“We see and understand things not as they are but as we are.”

i do wonder who’s the percipient one who made such an astute statement.

After spending grueling days and sleepless nights discussing the above claim in 1600 words, i have to admit that it precisely sums up human perception.

We’re all constructions of biases, prejudices, predispositions… it’s just a matter of degree and intensity.

Even God sees us not as we are (depraved sinners who deserve to be burnt eternally in Hell), but as He is (righteous in Christ Jesus, who is one with Him).

The implications of this claim (the “things” encompass living things, and human beings are living things) don’t hurt if they work for our good. We don’t mind a little favourtism that’s on our side, do we? On the other hand, the story becomes more dramatic and emotive when we become victims of such constructions (we can cry, complain, sue or fight, but it will not obliterate the inherent constructions). It all depends… on how the implications affect us or more blatantly, how they affect “me”.

By now you may have realized, in a sudden flash of lambency, that i’m surprisingly a skeptical relativist and an individualist. That’s hardly Communist, and quite far from the Christian belief too!

Say hi to the nice tolerant solitary 
…………..who doesn’t buy your ‘truths’.

Is there an absolute truth?
Your absolute truth may be subjective illusion to me and vice versa.
Your justified true belief may be illogical false delusion to me and vice versa.
Yet again, we’re but specks in the immeasurable Universe, which we will never grasp completely. There may be absolute truth but we (as a united human race)** do not know and may never come to know (some claim that absolute truth exists simply because our minds are capable of conceiving this concept, but that does not provide a satisfying explanation for the nature of its existence, so i don’t buy that).

The hardest thing to swallow about this entire TOKing experience was the realization that i had subconsciously succumbed to the very thing that i despise and furtively revile – conformity. It started with me not thinking too much (foolish acts always start with not thinking enough. Oh my son, THINK!!!), which was the easy way out. If not for a true friend called Timliang who aggressively and mercilessly tore my drafts apart and provided me with the impetus to reflect, i might have drowned myself in the so-called “Blue Ocean”.

Another hard thing to swallow was the realization that my English sucks. i have been deceived that A1s for O Level English and Literature speak volumes for my English standard, but i was wrong. Thanks to another true friend Audrey, an ex English SL students, who ended up correcting grammar for a HL English student…

It’s about time Zhuo’er, to use your brain.

As you exercise pragmatism and practicality, remember not to throw your discernment and originality into the wind.

Give your best to play with and conquer the system now, but more importantly, do not let it get into your System.

** My faith in God the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit is not so weak that it cease to stand just because of some thought provoking TOK assignment.

i still firmly believe through faith that He was, is and will always be the absolute truth.

Then again, i’m more aware of the harsh reality, the odds against evangelism in the age of science, reason and information.

How do i share the gospel with an agnostic when i would become one myself if i were to think so much?

ONLY by the Spirit of God.

Therefore, my dear brother or sister in Christ, i pray that you pray for us that we’ll be Spirit-filled, for it takes miracles that defy logic and reason (they are actually grossly limited in their capabilities to perceive knowledge, just that society deceives us into believing that they are pretty invincible) to bring the lost to the Truth which we claim to be true.

2 Corinthians 10:4-6
For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds, casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ, and being ready to punish all disobedience when your obedience is fulfilled.

Retreat

Obtained an excuse from Parade, to acquire a timely retreat to replenish my depleted (physical, psychological, intellectual and spiritual) resources, and prepare for the challenges to come. It proved to be immensely rewarding.

As I perambulate the maltreated path of solitude and soul-searching, the scented breeze, the scorching sun, and even the hubbub of Saturday traffic carried the voices of my Best Friend, the Holy Spirit. He spoke grimly yet gently, and compelled me to think, to reflect and to meditate…

Having a strong mentality is relatively easy, carrying it through is arduous.

A glorious dream costs nothing, but making it come to pass may cost me everything.

Having conquered the mountain once doesn’t mean that it is forever under my feet.

Am i the prizefighter, who fights hesitantly and half-heartedly?
Or am i to revert to the bitchy spiteful prizefighter that disregards everything else apart from the prize money?

It is easy to flatter with words.
Think of Goneril and Regan.
It is difficult to love in silence and through actions.
Think of Cordelia and Kent.
Would you be “foolish” enough to die an early but noble death?
Like that of Cordelia.
Or would you rather be “wise”, to die later, in the midst of senseless strive?
Like Goneril, Regan and Edmund.

Sigh.

After so many years of walking with Jesus, i have yet to understand Him, others, myself and the meanings and ways of life up to even a small extent.
i have yet to find my equilibrium in God, yet to live life the way He has intended.

Lord i pray that you grant me discipline, fortitude and perseverance as i set my mind to seek You, to glorify you and honour those who love and care for me.

Please guide me by the hand in wisdom, love and power as i humble myself to be Your child.

(: and i know that i’m not alone in this.

Of director, critic, audience, performer and artist.

Where is the artist in you, Zhuo’er?
Are you disregarding her?
Don’t ever do that my dear!

You’re not to be a mere performer, as God is not just your audience.

He’s your director, who knows you as you are, with all your flaws, failures and weaknesses that are hidden beneath the persona the audiences buy, usually without a second thought.

The world is full of performers who entertain & appease for personal gain, so be watchful and vigilant, do not be deceived or charmed easily.

However, most importantly, do not be one yourself even as you suspect the sincerity of those who seem only to perform.

Be assured also, in the knowledge that your Lord is not your observer/ commentator, who is perceptive & sharp but detached & aloof, ready to wash His hands off you or desert you any time.

Your Lord is faithful, He promised to never leave you nor forsake you, even till the end of the age, as long as you abide in Him, and as long as you trust and obey with childlike faith.

Therefore armed with God’s faithfulness, the artist in you can flourish in this hostile world.

Will you trust Him like a child would to his father?

It takes much more courage to be sincere than to be deceptive, much more strength to be humble than to be proud, and much more wisdom to trust than to suspect.

The God of faith, hope and love alone is mighty and able to supply you with all these virtues in a world of vices.

Will you trust Him like a child would to his father?

Then you’ll be surprised that riches, honour and glory come to you instead of the other way round, and they will remain with you lastingly and multiply as you be a blessing to others.

Will you trust Him like a child would to his father?

March “hols” checklist

1) YLS facilitating duties from Friday to Sunday*&**
2) FireAC 25/7 Prayer administrative work.*&**
3) Chinese A2 research (5 types of essays + commentaries) [Time stealer]*
4) Chinese A2 cultural essay 1*
5) Chinese A2 cultural essay 2*
6) Chinese A2 cultural essay 3*
7) Chinese A2 literature written task 3rd draft*
8] Chinese A2 cultural written task 3rd draft*
9) TOK essay 2nd draft
10) TOK mock presentation 2nd trial*
11) EE 4th draft*
12) Economics IA*
13) History IA*
14) Biology practical report 26
15) Biology homework
16) Biology extra lesson*
17) Mathematics portfolio*
18) Maths 7 make up worksheets!!
19) World Literature 1*
20) World Literature 2
21) English A1 Paper 2 essay*
22) Read King Lear*&**
23) Quality time with loved ones**
24) FireAC leaders’ retreat**
25) Cluster outing**
26) MCYC visitation**
27) Church**

Let’s face the truth, you cannot complete all of the above on time, so just go ahead and do what you **like to do, then what you *need to do,and “die” on the “deadlines” for the rest.

No proper sleep for you anyway, you are going to “die” anyway, so at least have a happy “death” (=

The Meaning of Maturity

i do not belong to this world
The world does not belong to me
She is not Heaven
nor am i her citizen

i do not trust you absolutely
Do not trust me absolutely
i am not God
nor are you
We will disappoint each other
inevitably

Such is life
Oh, the harsh reality!

Live with it!

Live with it
without nursing grievances
Live with it
and still have Faith
still Hope
still Love…

This to me
is maturity

***********************************

Refer to:
Philippians 3:17-21
Colossians 3:2
Psalm 118:8
Revelation 14:12
James 1:12
Philippians 2:14-15
1 Corinthians 13:13
1 Peter 4:8
1 Corinthians 14:20

Learning

The most difficult lesson i’ve ever learnt,
is that of letting go and moving on
- the mastery of freedom, love and joy.

Thank you for allowing God to teach this great lesson of life through you.
You will always have a place in my heart.
God bless!

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