A puff of air wipes away that fragile flame of hope before vanishing into the still nothingness…
That’s how i felt when my gaze departed from the last words of Orwell’s masterpiece.

It wasn’t like that during the process of reading, back then thoughts and feelings this formidable novel evoked within me were like recurring storms and floods, so overwhelming that i had to place the book aside, close my eyes, and wait for them to take their courses and subside.

For instance, i tried to imagine myself living in Oceania. i also tried to establish a link between this dystopia and the world i know.

Within the former thought, i came to the decision to commit suicide. Of course, that is a grave sin, an outright violation of the 6th Commandment. Yet, i would still do it, because i thought that the Ministry of Love would eventually thrust me to blaspheme against the Holy Spirit, which is an unpardonable sin, and i reckoned it is better for me to die in a grave sin than an unpardonable one, and die as a human being with a vital heart and a conscious mind, rather than an eroded heart and a deluded mind. In such context, suicide is more of an act of defiance than a measure of defeat.

Within the later thought, i recalled the things i learnt in History classes (e.g. Stalinism with his Great Terror etc) and from other sources (e.g. stories of the Chinese Cultural Revolution from my grandparents’ personal recounts etc etc). After a while, it occurred to me that the common ground is the dark side of human nature (there are others like “rulers of the darkness of this world“, but i’m not going into the supernatural realm here & now).

We human beings, in our depravity, given the “right” ideological condition, are capable of despicable acts (the Stanford Prison Experiment is one of the many examples). In fact it can be so despicable that it becomes like autophagocytosis, for example, “The sex instinct will be eradicated. Procreation will be an annual formality like the renewal of a ration card. We shall abolish the orgasm. Our neurologists are at work upon it now.” When i went through those lines, i went “what?!” with incredulousness, because it’s just so ridiculous! Is sex merely catered to the mechanical production of offsprings? Why would God bother to design the anatomy in such a manner that the genitals have a more complex network of nervous receptors and blood vessels, and why does sensory perception have such a profound impact on our state of being? The sex instinct in human is to be harnessed and sanctified, not suppressed (cos “what you resist, persist”) or eradicated. After all, the true value of this intense and ecstatic experience lies in the mutual expression and reception of love, and intimate & wholesome bonding between a man and his wife. Eradicating what is essentially human (esp reason and consciousness, and even sexual instinct) strips off the human nature in its goodness, so that one is reduced to a chunk of walking meat, which is even worse than an animal (who gets to be who it really is).

In the afternoon, i went to church, and found it difficult to worship. The dark and rancid air from the novel shrouded me, and i was in a state of mourning. However, God’s presence, thick among the assembly of worshippers, embraced me and the small still voice spoke to my heart. i confess that failed to give Pst Josh Kelsey my full attention. Sorry! >< Throughout the worship, sermon and communion, God brought to my mind various verses and images, such as the Book of Daniel, Psalms 118 (esp the center verse of the Bible), Proverbs 3:5… the image of Jesus on the way to the Cross, His death at Calvary etc. Basically, i was being gently rebuked (personally more effective than a harsh one which actually makes me feel better, the way an eye-to-eye, heart-to-heart “talk” from mum was harder to swallow & more lasting to digest than a good spanking, back in my pre-teen years) by God for trusting in the oppressive power of destructive men and the lack of faith in the power of the Holy Spirit. Once again, He reminded me to shift my focus away from the power and weakness of the flesh, just surrender them, and look to and follow Jesus, the perfect example who was faithful and victorious till the very end, and still is, from everlasting to everlasting. Amen!

Tragedy occurs when Depraved Men try to play the Sovereign God…

Ultimately, the book is a double lie that speaks of death that points me towards the sole Truth and Life. Indeed, Colossians 1:16-17!

Oh, and yes, Eric Arthur Blair was a genius. i find him so, in every sense of the word.