Years of my Youth.
A walk with God (:Archive for Academic
Thy Word…
Job 5:18 For He bruises, but He binds up;
He wounds, but His hands make whole.
I promise here that when i am set on high
and lifted to safety,
i will remember that i have been lowly
and mourning.
Times where i realize that i am weak,
that He is the One and Only…
who alone is more than sufficient for me.
Yes, Lord, despite the excruciating pain
and unstoppable tears,
my prayer is still the same:
Create in me a pure heart,
and renew in me a right spirit.
Cloth me in Your Presence,
and make me bear fruits in abundance.
Anna, if you happen to see this post (which is not supposed to be here), i want to thank you once again, from the bottom of my heart, for knowing God and loving Him so deeply, so that you can be such an effective channel of God’s blessing to me in my darkest hours and weakest moments. You are full of beauty and faith, to allow Christ to live and speak through you!
Also want to take this time to thank various people who have offered invaluable encouragement and support during this short but intense period: Mum, Dear Timliang, Charles, Allan, Yassy, Glenn, Ian, Gwen, Timloh, Daniel Loh, Tina, Lisa, Liu Yang, Sharon, Wilfred and Charmaine. <3
Last Day
And so it came.
Unbelievable.
i wanted to capture my experiences as an ACSib student in this post, but after writing and deleting many times, i realized that it is an impossible feat.
All that i can say is: THANK YOU GOD, for directing me into the school, for allowing me to experience soooo much and for guiding me through this final & crucial lap!
Honestly speaking, i’m very sad and reluctant to leave. Seldom do i feel a sentimental attachment to an institution, but ACS is an exception…
I was immensely touched and ministered by Ms Chock’s address today in the LT1. Her message is something that i will always treasure in my heart.
Prior to that, we finalized Project X. The responses were heartwarming and encouraging. Praise God!
(: He is great, and i am most blessed to submit to His will to be a part of this emblem of great endeavour. No one else will do, nothing else will do.
It’s time to bid this blog farewell for the time being (till 12 Nov).
A song that is stuck in my mind:
This is my prayer in the desert
And all that’s within me feels dry
This is my prayer in the hunger in me
My God is a God who provides
And this is my prayer in the fire
In weakness or trial or pain
There is a faith proved
Of more worth than gold
So refine me Lord through the flames
And I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon forged against me shall remain
I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and He is here
And this is my prayer in the battle
And triumph is still on it’s way
I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ
So firm on His promise I’ll stand
All of my life
In every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship
This is my prayer in the harvest
When favor and providence flow
I know I’m filled to be emptied again
The seed I’ve recieved I will sow
Amen!
The journey ahead
This is the buffer period, or the calm before the storm, so to speak.
Times like this makes me contemplative.
What has God been doing in my life?
Where is He leading me towards?
Which path should i take in the future?
Once again, i’m at the crossroads of life.
The time between end of IB exams and start of University term will be very crucial, it will play a determining role in practical things such as my chances of getting a scholarship and to a certain extent, my quality of life in the University. Hence, i will willingly sacrifice the promised Europe holiday trip to sharpen my mind for interviews, go for internships, job shadowing, read up for my courses etc.
Such a choice is purely pragmatic in nature, and it feels hollow to dive headlong into these affairs without being assured that there are spiritual & social significances to them as well. i suppose it’s God’s will to prevent us from engaging in the rat race that will slowly but surely bring us further and further away from His heart. The allure of prestige and wealth is more real than ever, but can i withstand the test and be purer and humbler in heart and do things that are truly significant, even at the expanse of (worldly) honour & glory?
For the past few months, He spoke through godly people such as Charles, who advised me to “do something really meaningful” during the extended break, such as to “serve in church, go overseas and work (mission trip!), or work in an NGO”. Hence, i used some time today (it will be a bit too late to start after IB exams) to research on internship opportunities in the social service sector and found something that moved me to tears:
As such, i have made up my mind, that i’ll be a down-to-earth angel immediately after my IB exams, to serve and to contribute to the community through at least 2 of these voluntary welfare organisations by the empowerment of God Almighty.
It is a truism as being clothed by the Presence of God and filled by the Spirit of Christ owns being wrapped in fanciful garb and loaded with sumptuous delicacies anytime. After all, “God never fails to provide according to His will”. (:
HAHAHAHA, this is so FUNNY!
To his Coy Mistress
by Andrew Marvell
Had we but world enough, and time,
This coyness, lady, were no crime.
We would sit down and think which way
To walk, and pass our long love’s day;
Thou by the Indian Ganges’ side
Shouldst rubies find; I by the tide
Of Humber would complain. I would
Love you ten years before the Flood;
And you should, if you please, refuse
Till the conversion of the Jews.
My vegetable love should grow
Vaster than empires, and more slow.
An hundred years should go to praise
Thine eyes, and on thy forehead gaze;
Two hundred to adore each breast,
But thirty thousand to the rest;
An age at least to every part,
And the last age should show your heart.
For, lady, you deserve this state,
Nor would I love at lower rate.
But at my back I always hear
Time’s winged chariot hurrying near;
And yonder all before us lie
Deserts of vast eternity.
Thy beauty shall no more be found,
Nor, in thy marble vault, shall sound
My echoing song; then worms shall try
That long preserv’d virginity,
And your quaint honour turn to dust,
And into ashes all my lust.
The grave’s a fine and private place,
But none I think do there embrace.
Now therefore, while the youthful hue
Sits on thy skin like morning dew,
And while thy willing soul transpires
At every pore with instant fires,
Now let us sport us while we may;
And now, like am’rous birds of prey,
Rather at once our time devour,
Than languish in his slow-chapp’d power.
Let us roll all our strength, and all
Our sweetness, up into one ball;
And tear our pleasures with rough strife
Thorough the iron gates of life.
Thus, though we cannot make our sun
Stand still, yet we will make him run.
Oh, the charm of hyperbole!
How delightful it is to be a Literature student!
There were never strawberries
like the ones we had
that sultry afternoon
sitting on the step of the open french window
facing each other
your knees held in mine
the blue plates in our laps
the strawberries glistening
in the hot sunlight
we dipped them in sugar
looking at each other.
Illumination
It is amazing how things can change from one extreme to another within a short span of a few hours…
i was blind, but now i see. Thanks for those who have been praying for me!
Enough of being a distraction and being distracted.
This dryness is killing me. Time is running out, and it’s time to get back on track.
Gravely yet gladly.
I Simply Live for You
Say the word and I will sing for You.
Over oceans deep I will follow.
If each star was a song
And every breath of wind praise.
It would still fail by far
To say all my heart contains.
I simply live,
I simply live for You.
As the glory of Your presence
Now fills this place.
In worship we will meet You
Face to face.
There is nothing in this world
To which You can be compared,
Glory of glory,
Praise upon praise.
You bind the broken-hearted.
And save all my tears.
By Your word You set the captive free.
There is nothing in this world
That You cannot do.
I simply live,
I simply live for You.
The pleasure of learning
“A marvellous stillness pervaded the world, and the stars, together with the serenity of their rays, seemed to shed upon the earth the assurance of everlasting security. The young moon, recurved, and shining low in the west, was like slender shaving thrown up from a bar of gold, and the Arabian Sea, smooth and cool to the eye like a sheet of ice, extended its perfect level to the perfect circle of a dark horizon.”
Wow, what an arresting extract! A panoramic canvas dense with distinct images is spread out before my startling eyes as the richly atmospheric sense evolves. The lyrical description is profound in its poetic richness, providing a powerful evocation of the wonders of the night.
As i read it aloud and mouth the words in their silky delicacy, i discovered in amazement that an ethereal fragrance permeated the surrounding air, and transported me to the very shoreline of the unperturbed Arabian Sea.
“We see and understand things not as they are but as we are.”
i do wonder who’s the percipient one who made such an astute statement.
After spending grueling days and sleepless nights discussing the above claim in 1600 words, i have to admit that it precisely sums up human perception.
We’re all constructions of biases, prejudices, predispositions… it’s just a matter of degree and intensity.
Even God sees us not as we are (depraved sinners who deserve to be burnt eternally in Hell), but as He is (righteous in Christ Jesus, who is one with Him).
The implications of this claim (the “things” encompass living things, and human beings are living things) don’t hurt if they work for our good. We don’t mind a little favourtism that’s on our side, do we? On the other hand, the story becomes more dramatic and emotive when we become victims of such constructions (we can cry, complain, sue or fight, but it will not obliterate the inherent constructions). It all depends… on how the implications affect us or more blatantly, how they affect “me”.
By now you may have realized, in a sudden flash of lambency, that i’m surprisingly a skeptical relativist and an individualist. That’s hardly Communist, and quite far from the Christian belief too!
Say hi to the nice tolerant solitary
…………..who doesn’t buy your ‘truths’.
Is there an absolute truth?
Your absolute truth may be subjective illusion to me and vice versa.
Your justified true belief may be illogical false delusion to me and vice versa.
Yet again, we’re but specks in the immeasurable Universe, which we will never grasp completely. There may be absolute truth but we (as a united human race)** do not know and may never come to know (some claim that absolute truth exists simply because our minds are capable of conceiving this concept, but that does not provide a satisfying explanation for the nature of its existence, so i don’t buy that).
The hardest thing to swallow about this entire TOKing experience was the realization that i had subconsciously succumbed to the very thing that i despise and furtively revile – conformity. It started with me not thinking too much (foolish acts always start with not thinking enough. Oh my son, THINK!!!), which was the easy way out. If not for a true friend called Timliang who aggressively and mercilessly tore my drafts apart and provided me with the impetus to reflect, i might have drowned myself in the so-called “Blue Ocean”.
Another hard thing to swallow was the realization that my English sucks. i have been deceived that A1s for O Level English and Literature speak volumes for my English standard, but i was wrong. Thanks to another true friend Audrey, an ex English SL students, who ended up correcting grammar for a HL English student…
It’s about time Zhuo’er, to use your brain.
As you exercise pragmatism and practicality, remember not to throw your discernment and originality into the wind.
Give your best to play with and conquer the system now, but more importantly, do not let it get into your System.
** My faith in God the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit is not so weak that it cease to stand just because of some thought provoking TOK assignment.
i still firmly believe through faith that He was, is and will always be the absolute truth.
Then again, i’m more aware of the harsh reality, the odds against evangelism in the age of science, reason and information.
How do i share the gospel with an agnostic when i would become one myself if i were to think so much?
ONLY by the Spirit of God.
Therefore, my dear brother or sister in Christ, i pray that you pray for us that we’ll be Spirit-filled, for it takes miracles that defy logic and reason (they are actually grossly limited in their capabilities to perceive knowledge, just that society deceives us into believing that they are pretty invincible) to bring the lost to the Truth which we claim to be true.
2 Corinthians 10:4-6
For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds, casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ, and being ready to punish all disobedience when your obedience is fulfilled.
Retreat
Obtained an excuse from Parade, to acquire a timely retreat to replenish my depleted (physical, psychological, intellectual and spiritual) resources, and prepare for the challenges to come. It proved to be immensely rewarding.
As I perambulate the maltreated path of solitude and soul-searching, the scented breeze, the scorching sun, and even the hubbub of Saturday traffic carried the voices of my Best Friend, the Holy Spirit. He spoke grimly yet gently, and compelled me to think, to reflect and to meditate…
Having a strong mentality is relatively easy, carrying it through is arduous.
A glorious dream costs nothing, but making it come to pass may cost me everything.
Having conquered the mountain once doesn’t mean that it is forever under my feet.
Am i the prizefighter, who fights hesitantly and half-heartedly?
Or am i to revert to the bitchy spiteful prizefighter that disregards everything else apart from the prize money?
It is easy to flatter with words.
Think of Goneril and Regan.
It is difficult to love in silence and through actions.
Think of Cordelia and Kent.
Would you be “foolish” enough to die an early but noble death?
Like that of Cordelia.
Or would you rather be “wise”, to die later, in the midst of senseless strive?
Like Goneril, Regan and Edmund.
Sigh.
After so many years of walking with Jesus, i have yet to understand Him, others, myself and the meanings and ways of life up to even a small extent.
i have yet to find my equilibrium in God, yet to live life the way He has intended.
Lord i pray that you grant me discipline, fortitude and perseverance as i set my mind to seek You, to glorify you and honour those who love and care for me.
Please guide me by the hand in wisdom, love and power as i humble myself to be Your child.
(: and i know that i’m not alone in this.
Epiphany
=D Finally, a more tangible (scholarly) career goal to fight for!
Thanks to the Senior Admin and teachers for giving that pragmatic and timely mass PC lecture to address serious academic matters. Need it and appreciate it!
There’s a scholarship i feel called to achieve (if it’s truly God’s will, it will come to pass. i’ll do my outmost best on my part to attain it). i shall not reveal the name of it nor the organization that offers it as of now, because i’m not 100% sure yet. Basically it requires me to:
1) Obtain excellent academic grades (you know what to do, just do it!)
2) Excellent SATs score (ok set, i’m taking it in May)
3) Excellent NAPFA score (pure Gold again? Why not?! God is the same yesterday, today and forever.)
4) Good CCA records (do CASL & NYAA logging seriously)
5) Strong leadership qualities (thanks to BB & class & school)
6) Excel somewhere
7) Possess a strong interest in something
Come to think of it, everything just links! Coming to AC, taking IB, the one-of-a-kind subject combi (woohoo, my Y6 teachers are cool. And did i mention? Mr. Chirnside R.O.C.K.S BIG TIME!!!), joining BB, signing up for NYAA and now with the future before me…
God has been faithful and good to me, to say the very least. So i will continue to trust in Him wholeheartedly, knowing that He will direct my path according to His Will and for the glory of His Name. i know it will be from faith to faith and glory to glory. (=
*******
The FireAC meeting we had just now was heartwarming and interesting. An uplifting time of encouragement and affirmation among other things. (:
*******
i’m looking forward to Primers’ Outing @ East Coast this coming Saturday, (special) dinner & church =). It will be profoundly delightful, i know. A good little respite after an (somewhat) unearthly week. <3
