Years of my Youth.
A walk with God (:Archive for School
Thy Word…
Job 5:18 For He bruises, but He binds up;
He wounds, but His hands make whole.
I promise here that when i am set on high
and lifted to safety,
i will remember that i have been lowly
and mourning.
Times where i realize that i am weak,
that He is the One and Only…
who alone is more than sufficient for me.
Yes, Lord, despite the excruciating pain
and unstoppable tears,
my prayer is still the same:
Create in me a pure heart,
and renew in me a right spirit.
Cloth me in Your Presence,
and make me bear fruits in abundance.
Anna, if you happen to see this post (which is not supposed to be here), i want to thank you once again, from the bottom of my heart, for knowing God and loving Him so deeply, so that you can be such an effective channel of God’s blessing to me in my darkest hours and weakest moments. You are full of beauty and faith, to allow Christ to live and speak through you!
Also want to take this time to thank various people who have offered invaluable encouragement and support during this short but intense period: Mum, Dear Timliang, Charles, Allan, Yassy, Glenn, Ian, Gwen, Timloh, Daniel Loh, Tina, Lisa, Liu Yang, Sharon, Wilfred and Charmaine. <3
Last Day
And so it came.
Unbelievable.
i wanted to capture my experiences as an ACSib student in this post, but after writing and deleting many times, i realized that it is an impossible feat.
All that i can say is: THANK YOU GOD, for directing me into the school, for allowing me to experience soooo much and for guiding me through this final & crucial lap!
Honestly speaking, i’m very sad and reluctant to leave. Seldom do i feel a sentimental attachment to an institution, but ACS is an exception…
I was immensely touched and ministered by Ms Chock’s address today in the LT1. Her message is something that i will always treasure in my heart.
Prior to that, we finalized Project X. The responses were heartwarming and encouraging. Praise God!
(: He is great, and i am most blessed to submit to His will to be a part of this emblem of great endeavour. No one else will do, nothing else will do.
It’s time to bid this blog farewell for the time being (till 12 Nov).
A song that is stuck in my mind:
This is my prayer in the desert
And all that’s within me feels dry
This is my prayer in the hunger in me
My God is a God who provides
And this is my prayer in the fire
In weakness or trial or pain
There is a faith proved
Of more worth than gold
So refine me Lord through the flames
And I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon forged against me shall remain
I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and He is here
And this is my prayer in the battle
And triumph is still on it’s way
I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ
So firm on His promise I’ll stand
All of my life
In every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship
This is my prayer in the harvest
When favor and providence flow
I know I’m filled to be emptied again
The seed I’ve recieved I will sow
Amen!
Illumination
It is amazing how things can change from one extreme to another within a short span of a few hours…
i was blind, but now i see. Thanks for those who have been praying for me!
Enough of being a distraction and being distracted.
This dryness is killing me. Time is running out, and it’s time to get back on track.
Gravely yet gladly.
I Simply Live for You
Say the word and I will sing for You.
Over oceans deep I will follow.
If each star was a song
And every breath of wind praise.
It would still fail by far
To say all my heart contains.
I simply live,
I simply live for You.
As the glory of Your presence
Now fills this place.
In worship we will meet You
Face to face.
There is nothing in this world
To which You can be compared,
Glory of glory,
Praise upon praise.
You bind the broken-hearted.
And save all my tears.
By Your word You set the captive free.
There is nothing in this world
That You cannot do.
I simply live,
I simply live for You.
“We see and understand things not as they are but as we are.”
i do wonder who’s the percipient one who made such an astute statement.
After spending grueling days and sleepless nights discussing the above claim in 1600 words, i have to admit that it precisely sums up human perception.
We’re all constructions of biases, prejudices, predispositions… it’s just a matter of degree and intensity.
Even God sees us not as we are (depraved sinners who deserve to be burnt eternally in Hell), but as He is (righteous in Christ Jesus, who is one with Him).
The implications of this claim (the “things” encompass living things, and human beings are living things) don’t hurt if they work for our good. We don’t mind a little favourtism that’s on our side, do we? On the other hand, the story becomes more dramatic and emotive when we become victims of such constructions (we can cry, complain, sue or fight, but it will not obliterate the inherent constructions). It all depends… on how the implications affect us or more blatantly, how they affect “me”.
By now you may have realized, in a sudden flash of lambency, that i’m surprisingly a skeptical relativist and an individualist. That’s hardly Communist, and quite far from the Christian belief too!
Say hi to the nice tolerant solitary
…………..who doesn’t buy your ‘truths’.
Is there an absolute truth?
Your absolute truth may be subjective illusion to me and vice versa.
Your justified true belief may be illogical false delusion to me and vice versa.
Yet again, we’re but specks in the immeasurable Universe, which we will never grasp completely. There may be absolute truth but we (as a united human race)** do not know and may never come to know (some claim that absolute truth exists simply because our minds are capable of conceiving this concept, but that does not provide a satisfying explanation for the nature of its existence, so i don’t buy that).
The hardest thing to swallow about this entire TOKing experience was the realization that i had subconsciously succumbed to the very thing that i despise and furtively revile – conformity. It started with me not thinking too much (foolish acts always start with not thinking enough. Oh my son, THINK!!!), which was the easy way out. If not for a true friend called Timliang who aggressively and mercilessly tore my drafts apart and provided me with the impetus to reflect, i might have drowned myself in the so-called “Blue Ocean”.
Another hard thing to swallow was the realization that my English sucks. i have been deceived that A1s for O Level English and Literature speak volumes for my English standard, but i was wrong. Thanks to another true friend Audrey, an ex English SL students, who ended up correcting grammar for a HL English student…
It’s about time Zhuo’er, to use your brain.
As you exercise pragmatism and practicality, remember not to throw your discernment and originality into the wind.
Give your best to play with and conquer the system now, but more importantly, do not let it get into your System.
** My faith in God the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit is not so weak that it cease to stand just because of some thought provoking TOK assignment.
i still firmly believe through faith that He was, is and will always be the absolute truth.
Then again, i’m more aware of the harsh reality, the odds against evangelism in the age of science, reason and information.
How do i share the gospel with an agnostic when i would become one myself if i were to think so much?
ONLY by the Spirit of God.
Therefore, my dear brother or sister in Christ, i pray that you pray for us that we’ll be Spirit-filled, for it takes miracles that defy logic and reason (they are actually grossly limited in their capabilities to perceive knowledge, just that society deceives us into believing that they are pretty invincible) to bring the lost to the Truth which we claim to be true.
2 Corinthians 10:4-6
For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds, casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ, and being ready to punish all disobedience when your obedience is fulfilled.
Retreat
Obtained an excuse from Parade, to acquire a timely retreat to replenish my depleted (physical, psychological, intellectual and spiritual) resources, and prepare for the challenges to come. It proved to be immensely rewarding.
As I perambulate the maltreated path of solitude and soul-searching, the scented breeze, the scorching sun, and even the hubbub of Saturday traffic carried the voices of my Best Friend, the Holy Spirit. He spoke grimly yet gently, and compelled me to think, to reflect and to meditate…
Having a strong mentality is relatively easy, carrying it through is arduous.
A glorious dream costs nothing, but making it come to pass may cost me everything.
Having conquered the mountain once doesn’t mean that it is forever under my feet.
Am i the prizefighter, who fights hesitantly and half-heartedly?
Or am i to revert to the bitchy spiteful prizefighter that disregards everything else apart from the prize money?
It is easy to flatter with words.
Think of Goneril and Regan.
It is difficult to love in silence and through actions.
Think of Cordelia and Kent.
Would you be “foolish” enough to die an early but noble death?
Like that of Cordelia.
Or would you rather be “wise”, to die later, in the midst of senseless strive?
Like Goneril, Regan and Edmund.
Sigh.
After so many years of walking with Jesus, i have yet to understand Him, others, myself and the meanings and ways of life up to even a small extent.
i have yet to find my equilibrium in God, yet to live life the way He has intended.
Lord i pray that you grant me discipline, fortitude and perseverance as i set my mind to seek You, to glorify you and honour those who love and care for me.
Please guide me by the hand in wisdom, love and power as i humble myself to be Your child.
(: and i know that i’m not alone in this.
Learning
The most difficult lesson i’ve ever learnt,
is that of letting go and moving on
- the mastery of freedom, love and joy.
Thank you for allowing God to teach this great lesson of life through you.
You will always have a place in my heart.
God bless!
Epiphany
=D Finally, a more tangible (scholarly) career goal to fight for!
Thanks to the Senior Admin and teachers for giving that pragmatic and timely mass PC lecture to address serious academic matters. Need it and appreciate it!
There’s a scholarship i feel called to achieve (if it’s truly God’s will, it will come to pass. i’ll do my outmost best on my part to attain it). i shall not reveal the name of it nor the organization that offers it as of now, because i’m not 100% sure yet. Basically it requires me to:
1) Obtain excellent academic grades (you know what to do, just do it!)
2) Excellent SATs score (ok set, i’m taking it in May)
3) Excellent NAPFA score (pure Gold again? Why not?! God is the same yesterday, today and forever.)
4) Good CCA records (do CASL & NYAA logging seriously)
5) Strong leadership qualities (thanks to BB & class & school)
6) Excel somewhere
7) Possess a strong interest in something
Come to think of it, everything just links! Coming to AC, taking IB, the one-of-a-kind subject combi (woohoo, my Y6 teachers are cool. And did i mention? Mr. Chirnside R.O.C.K.S BIG TIME!!!), joining BB, signing up for NYAA and now with the future before me…
God has been faithful and good to me, to say the very least. So i will continue to trust in Him wholeheartedly, knowing that He will direct my path according to His Will and for the glory of His Name. i know it will be from faith to faith and glory to glory. (=
*******
The FireAC meeting we had just now was heartwarming and interesting. An uplifting time of encouragement and affirmation among other things. (:
*******
i’m looking forward to Primers’ Outing @ East Coast this coming Saturday, (special) dinner & church =). It will be profoundly delightful, i know. A good little respite after an (somewhat) unearthly week. <3
On my mark. Get set.
i know the limitations of New Year’s Resolutions, then again, i personally find it highly helpful to set the year right. It works for me (:
So here, you shall be my witness:
Spirituality
1) Personal walk with God
* Write in a spiritual journal every day, without fail.
- Notes from FireAC sharings, chapel, devotions, BBBS and sermons
- Revelations from the Bible during QT
- Prayers
* follow church’s Bible Reading Plan
* Intercede for the school etc every Saturday morning before parade begins
* TRY to keep the Sabbath day holy
2) School ministries
* FireAC
- Step in and step up according to God’s command
- Guard Christ’s enthroned position jealously
- Love my comrades in truth and in purity
- Be a good role model to my juniors in all aspects
* Class and beyond
- Be more sensitive and caring
- Be a better testimony in all aspects
Friendships
1) Focus on significant ones, and those i’m called into
2) Cut down idle socialization
3) Remember friends’ birthdays and at least be a well-wisher
Work
1) Academic
* Now a priority, so MUCH MORE time, focus, and energy need to be poured in
* Finish all my homework before play
* Be more generous and helpful
2) BB
* Dare to take frontline responsibilities
* Stop being perfectionistic and get work over and done with asap
* Love and get to know my juniors more
Leisure
* Maximum 5min on Facebook during school days (birthday wishes & wall post reply etc)
Maximum 30min on weekends (upload photos, catch up with friends etc)
* Blog at most once every week
* Exercise at least 3 time per week (excluding PE & BB)
* Do not go out except for special cases
***********************************************
(: This is it, may 2009 be a year of daring to be excellent. In Christ, by Christ and for Christ! =D
1 Timothy 4:12
Let no one despise your youth, but be an example to the believers in word, in conduct, in love, in spirit, in faith, in purity.
2 Timothy 1:7
For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline.
1 John 5:14-15
This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us – whatever we ask – we know that we have what we asked of him.
Psalm 37:4
Delight yourself also in the Lord, and He shall give you the desires of your heart.
Now, GO!
Rounding up 2008
Once again it is this time of the year…
i was looking through the archives of my blogs, MSN convos, emails, the works i’ve done (BB policy paper, SOP, Bio pracs, commentaries, EE etc etc) and saw God’s hand in it all. Hence i would like to end this year with gratitude and begin 2009 on a note of faith. Christ Jesus my Lord and Saviour has been good to me, indeed He is faithful and true, carrying me through all the ups and downs as promised, and most importantly, granting me a deeper revelation of Himself.
The year has been the most turbulent so far, particularly on the spiritual and emotional level (not an intelligent year as i hoped, sadly). It’s difficult to unload thoughts and feelings from my mind all at once.. but i’ll try.
Spirituality
i’ve been exceedingly and immensely blessed in this respect as i made this the top priority of the year. Thanks be to God, and my dear brothers and sisters in Christ who edified me in Spirit and in Truth! These are some amazing people i would especially like to acknowledge and thank:
1. John Tay
i can never thank you enough for taking the risk and became my mentor in FireAC. Thank you for teaching me how to pray & intercede with with every fiber of my being and delight in it (because to be with Christ is most delightful), for inspiring me to be more firmly rooted in the Word, for admonishing me when my judgment is clouded, for reassuring me (of God’s unfailing grace and faithfulness) when i realized the gravity of my sins, for urging me to be zealous & sacrificial in doing God’s work, for the books (The Kneeling Christian. An Acceptable Sacrifice. Back to Jerusalem), and for praying that i’ll love Jesus through and through. You have became a role model of passion, compassion and humility (tho i really disliked your pride when i first got to know you) to me. By refusing to take credit for yourself but giving all glory to God whenever i thank you, you have shown yourself faithful and humble before the Lord, and that is true courage and strength. i will take up the blazing baton and pass it on to my junior in good condition, by the grace and mercy of God as well. May our God Himself continue to preserve you and sanctify you as you delight in Him, so that you may be more and more Christlike!
2. Caleb Lin
Like i said, all the antagonistic “arguments” (as you put it) we exchange helped to put all things into perspective. Thank you for all the challenging questions that pointed me to Christ Himself with His absolute and constant goodness! (: i really do have a lot to learn from you. Thank you for your faithfulness and commitment to God’s work in FireAC and in class, despite all the undesirable happenings throughout the course of the year. Thanks for the yummy food you personally cooked and snacks you bought to share with all (i suppose your locker number is the hottest in ACSi) during gatherings etc. You have been a generous blessing. May God continue to prosper you in all things as your soul prospers with an ever increasing knowledge of Christ Himself!
3. Timothy Lim
(: Your words (spoken and written on blog) and prayer never fail to comfort, encourage and inspire. You have blazed the trail and exhibit the glory of God in so many areas, so remarkably, and yet remain humble and helpful. So thank you for setting a good example (of diligence and perseverance too) in Christ. Thank you for loving and caring for us when we are down, for calling us when we needed someone to talk to and pray with. May God set Himself before you as always, leading you in all wisdom and truth.
4. Kenneth Lim
Thank you for your obedience and faith to establish FireAC and keep it moving. Through serving in this ministry i’ve grown so much in the knowledge of God & people, and forged precious friendship that can last forever (the blood of Christ binds and redeems). Thank you for your brotherly kindness & concern at times, especially when i’m not doing well (such as for mid-years). Some of your words are faith-filled and very inspiring, thank you for speaking life! May God continue to use you mightily and exalt you as you humble yourself before Him, may you abide in Him with joy for He is our portion and hope always. (:
5. Emil Ng
Thank you for encouraging me in the Lord from time to time, for giving me your e-Sword too! xD You have inspired me to worship God in Spirit and in Truth, from the bottom of my heart. Thank you for leading worship faithfully in FireAC. i pray that you will have no lack as you abide in Christ and as He mould you in His likeness day by day.
6. Daniel Chng
Thank you for receiving me so warmly into FireAC and BB in the beginning of the year, and for trusting me enough to share the issues of your heart (it’s still safe with me) during that period of time too. Thank you for showing me your spiritual journal, which touched me deeply (the imagery of the silver and the silversmith). You also inspired me to love the Word. May God grant you the courage to glorify Him even in adverse situations and draw you closer to Himself as you seek Him.
7. Mr Charles Ng
Thank you Sir for building us up in God through sharing during FireAC pitstops, Primers Bible Studies and blogging (your blog is one of the most edifying one i know of). Thank you for nurturing so many God-fearing men during your service as the OIC of my seniors. i have learnt a lot from God through you. May God grant you the wisdom and discernment to find yourself a wife of noble character and have children who love God wholeheartedly, as you find sufficiency in Christ and seek to glorify Him in all things. (x
8. Timothy Loh
Hello world, this is me thanking my godbrother here!
Thank you 干弟 for the wonderful time during WoW, where God moved powerfully in our midst. It is really awesome to see God empowering you to lead the devotions that caused many of us to confess our sins & repent, and brought Shiru and Lisa (our new sisters in Christ!) into the bond of Love. i’m very proud of you (=
May you find the Holy Spirit our Comforter, Helper and Counselor as your best friend, and may God grant you knowledge, understanding and wisdom in abundance so that you will be more effective for Him. <3
9. The evergreen sisterhood
My dearest fellow darling (you know who you are) babes of BB. Thank you for the wonderful times we had praying with one another, to seek God Himself, to seek for His counsel to handle all the mess we got ourselves into, and for our friends and families etc, throughout the course of this tumultuous year. The spiritual connection we shared at various points in time were astounding, and heartening as well. Thank you for the times where we opened up ourselves to one another with all honesty and vulnerability, for that speaks of trust and genuine love, the kind of friendship that is so so so so difficult to find nowadays!! How precious it is.
i pray sincerely that each and every one of us will enthrone Jesus as our First Love, because He is the center of all things, and in Him all things hold together (that include our sanity, and the sisterly love that we share). 2009 may be insane to us at times, but with God as our guide, and with each other by our side, we will brave through the storms, sure and stedfast!
BB GIRLS FOR THE WIN!!!!!!! =D
Relationships
1) BGR
Not ready to blog about it yet, but i do have a lot to say about it… till a more appropriate time, i promise.
Just in case anyone gets a wrong idea, i have made a covenant with God since 15, to abstain from BGR till 20 years of age. i have not, and will not break it.
2) Friendship
In an old blog post written on 21/09/2007, i wrote, “Talking about friends, to me, it has always been the quality and never the quantity. i’m contented to have a handful of close friends instead of a bunch of acquaintances. Then again, quantity is potential quality; the acquaintance of today might be your intimate friend tomorrow. Therefore, i will breakthrough my cocoon, be much more outgoing, and make lots of friends in the years ahead. Hahas, sounds like an emergence of a social butterfly!”
Coming to ACS, joining FireAC and BB are the best decisions i’ve ever made after The Best decision to follow Jesus. Actually God made those decisions and presented them to me (so i can still choose to turn them down) and i merely obeyed willingly. Not only did i find God and encountered Him more profoundly, i began to chum around, and gained many genuine and rare friends. These friendships seem too good to be true, but they really do exist, because they are anointed by the Presence of God. In His Presence, miracles are the norm.
Besides those mentioned above, there are people like Nicole Poh and Timothy Liang who are my best female friend in class and best guy friend in BB at this point in time… and many more close friends to name. Thank God for every single one of them <3
Work
1) BB
The late nights of churning out policy paper, standard operating procedures, administrative instructions etc have taught me the art of administration and increased my capacity and tenacity. It’s all worthy it.
2) Academic
The only regret i have this year is not working hard enough on my school work and getting average grades (tho i do give thanks for God’s grace in this). Then again i must thank people who helped me along the way, Jiayi (a year 7 who is studying in UCL now) for all the textbooks she passed me. John for tirelessly explain concepts, giving me his book, lending & giving me his notes, and for his encouragement. Kenneth, Timlim and Emil for giving me their notes and encourage me from time to time. Daniel and Charles for helping me with Econs. Audrey for all the precious notes and the help she willingly offered etc. Jayne, Sam, Pet for taking notes and sharing them generously with me. Nicole for giving me study tips and inspiring me to study smart. Tina for her company in and out of intensive mugging season, and for her notes. Even Timliang, for indirectly helping me with Bio, and reminding me to work hard.
2009 must be different. Studies will climb up my priority ladder but i do not want to compromise on Spirituality and significant friendships as well. So it will be a year of discipline (it is true that i lack self-restrain this year, wasting time on unproductive things) and faithfulness. And ultimately, that of fruitfulness! =)
To God Be The Glory. The Best Is Yet To Be!
=D Have a blessed and bountiful 2009 ahead!
SNG Nostalgia
An overdue post, since 28 November 2008.
Went back to St. Nicks to take my formal School Graduation Certificate with Audrey after the sleepover at my place (after Y6 Prom, which i crashed for post-prom activities at Clarke Quay).
It felt like returning to the embrace of a long lost mother, save that i’m no longer a child under her care…
She has grown old, and her beauty has faded since the last time i saw her… but nevertheless, i find her beautiful the way she is right now. (:
Spent some time with Audrey in the Canteen after collecting my Cert. Pity Orange Bowl wasn’t open, so we bought Chocolate Toast, Chicken Cheese Toast, Fried Fishcake and some veg from the Toast Store, and drinks from Uncle Mobin’s. My goodness, the good old times!
After being socked in SNG atmosphere (it’s hard to describe, it’s got the power to vivify, and i suddenly felt very sporty) and looking at the school track, i felt compelled to jog (the memories of morning jogs, NAPFA training & NAPFA, assembly and family dance flooded back). So i did, 6 rounds on the outermost lane under the afternoon heat (by then Audrey had left). Quite an amazing experience i must say.
Took some time to dry myself at the backyard, and was glad to see my friends who were very eager to see me too ^^
Hahas, they were stepping on each other, just to get a clearer view of me probably.
This one posed for me (x
The best time i had were spent with dance juniors who were preparing for CCA Fair. <3
It was a pleasure to see Chyi fang leading her juniors, to get to know them myself and to help out with the souvenirs and cleaning up.
Someone once said, “the young will eventually grow up and lead the young as they once were” and it’s really a touching thing to behold. It’s like the continuity a story that never ends and a hope that never dies. (=
After working on CCA Fair stuff, juniors and i spent sometime interacting. Oh man! Sec Ones ‘08 are so amazing!!!
This one is exceptional, Fang Ting’s sister with a humorous voice and amazing flexibility. xD
Did some Ji Ben Gong with them and realized that i could still do an over split, and hands off split without sound, which is quite heartening to know.
By the way, SNG Cheerleading OWNS as always! Don’t believe, go and check on YouTube!
Everything has changed, and is still changing, but certain things remain the same, and those things are those that really matters.
Jia You Chyi Fang! May 2009 be a blessed new year with new possibilities and may more of your potential be realized. (: <333
